So You Want to Try Butt Stuff Part 1: Beginner toys and tips for all bodies

Butts!  Guys.  Butts are so fun.  Butts have so much stigma and it bums (ha!) me out.  Here’s the deal:  our butts are jam packed with lots of sensitive nerves.  Our butts can be both physically and emotionally vulnerable places.  To let someone look at, touch, taste, or penetrate your butt takes an IMMENSE amount of trust and can be very intimate.  Some folks come with some residual butt shame from past experiences.  Some guys think butt stuff makes them gay.  Let’s get a few things straight first:

  1. Butts are for all people.  Getting pleasure from getting touched somewhere sensitive does not have any implications about your sexuality.
  2. Butts are only dirty if they’re dirty.  Yeah, sometimes there might be a little speck of brown somewhere when you’re playing with deep penetration, and if that would ruin your day or view of your partner, this might not be a great thing for you to get into.  No judgment!  But if you’re showered, have had a bowel movement recently, and are not ill, you’ll likely be clean and fine.  (One tip I use for all sex play- keep a box of unscented baby wipes under your bed.  They make all things easy and quick to clean up.)
  3. Only play with a butt that is PSYCHED to be played with.  Likewise- only let someone play with your butt if you are PSYCHED.  Butts can hurt if treated incorrectly.  Butts have feelings, and will clench up if you’re nervous.  So be gentle with yourself and your partner.  Set aside some time, get cozy, and communicate A LOT.  Also:
  4. LUBE.  Lube always and forever.  Lube on lube.  Don’t use a numbing lube.  Here’s why:  pain is your body’s way of giving you a heads up if something’s going wrong.  If you take away that warning sign, you can get hurt!  If you’re feeling pain, slow down, back off, and relax.  Get a nice slow body massage from your partner.  Get in a position where you have more control or eye contact.  If it turns out you don’t want butt stuff at all, say so!  That’s totally ok.  Not everything is for everyone.  Do you.
  5. Flared bases, y’all.  Butts are strong and a lubed sphincter will suck up toys like a black hole.  Worry not- just use things with a really flared base, or a ring, or a sturdy big base.  Don’t be the guy whose x-ray shows up on the internet.  Be smart.  Flare that base.  I’ll show you some examples below.
  6. Germies.  Butts carry their own bacteria.  You shouldn’t use a butt toy on a vagina without sterilizing it first, nor should you share butt toys with partners.  For that reason I tend to stick to silicone toys, which can be sterilized by boiling.  Condoms are fine too!


SO if you’ve made it this far and still want to delve into butts, come along with me!  Buttventures await.

This Don Juan is a great starter toy.  Check him out:


It’s about the size of a pudgy finger, and goes into most people comfortably.  See that big base?  That’s what we’re talking about with the not getting sucked up inside.  I tend to choose dark-colored toys for butt play, because if there are any specks on anything, you won’t see them.  The curve of a toy like this will stimulate the prostate on a guy and maybe the g-spot on a girl, depending on the bod.  With both, you’ll want the curve pointing forward- as in, toward the belly button.  Good rule of thumb.  I’ve found this one doesn’t stay in place enough for me to have sex with it in, but it is a nice intro-to-butts.  Even experienced butts like a little warm-up, so smaller toys are nice to have on hand.

The Aneros Helix Syn is made for guy bodies especially.



It’s designed to be hands-free and to give you a nice feeling of fullness.  As I am not a prostate owner, I have regrettably not tried this one myself but have heard VERY good reviews of it from friends.  You’ll also get some sweet perineum stimulation from that black and red little thing at the bottom, which is nice.  This toy is firmer than it looks, which means it will definitely not get sucked inside of you- but may also need a little smooth-talking and lube to get it inside of you.

Another nice hands-free toy is the Naughty Boy, which features a vibrating bullet.


This one is waterproof, which is nice.  You can sit and rock with it in too!  Some folks find a little vibration to be relaxing to their bums.  This one is a little buzzy for my taste, but definitely still adds a little zing!

Speaking of zing- how could we forget anal beads?  Like these Booty Beads:


Now I haven’t actually used these anal beads before (I know!  To-do list.) but I’m putting these on here because I want you to know why they’re good and what to look for.  Do you see how they’re one solid piece of silicone?  This is super important.  Shitty sex toy stores will sell you beads on an actual porous woven string.  DO NOT USE THEM!  That nonsense is begging for bacteria.  You and your partners deserve better.  These are meant to be clean and to keep your body healthy.  That grippy ring looks like a nice thing to have when things get lubey too!

Speaking of which- lube!  Please Gel Lube is a nice one for anal play.


It’s water-based, which means it is compatible with all lubes.  (Silicone lubes and silicone toys shouldn’t mix.  Oil-based lubes and latex condoms don’t mix.  Water-based lube is universally friendly!)  It’s also a thicker gel, which provides lots of nice cushioning for sensitive butts.  With anal stuff, always err on the side of more lube.

And I saved my favorite for last:  the exquisite, shiny, sensuous, sexy-as-fuck Pure Plugs.


*Cue Barry White.*
This plug.  This whole company.  Everything they make woos me.  These plugs come in 4 sizes (they just made an extra-large one!) are made out of high quality stainless steel.  That makes them waterproof, shiny, sterilizable, indestructible, heatable, coolable, and above all- heavy.  These little honeys will stay in you with no problem, but also have this lovely weight that makes you feel deliciously full.  They’re hard to describe but I believe them to be worth every penny.  I have the large one, and I looooove it.  So freaking good, you guys.

That’s it for butts 101!  More butt education coming soon!



So You Want to Dip a Toe Into Sex Toys for the First Time: Nonthreatening, Inexpensive Toys for the Trepidatious

Hey there beginners!  This is the first in a series I’m going to attempt called Personal Shopper.  These are friendly, non-threatening, and not too pricey.  All toys here ring in at under $30, because I love you!

If you’re looking to try a first sex toy, I recommend going for something small and inexpensive.  The True Blue Kit is a nice place to start.



The True Blue contains lube, a vibrating cock ring, a basic vibrator, and a massage bar.  The lube is a really nice one- water-based (which means you can use it with any toy) and body-friendly- free of parabens and glycerin.  The vibrator is a buzzy insertable (for vaginas, NOT for butts) that runs on batteries.  To translate:  some vibrators are buzzier (more like an electric toothbrush) and some are thuddier (more like an off-kilter washing machine.)  Neither is inherently better- it’s a matter of personal taste.  Personally, I find buzzy vibes to be a little numbing sometimes, but they’re definitely stimulating and tend to be a little cheaper.  The ring can be slipped over a cock or a toy for added clit stimulation while you enjoy penetration.  The massage bar is a really nice way to get in touch with your partner.  Batteries are included (!) and the whole package is $24.  Not too shabby!  (Oh, and all of those elements are available for individual purchase if you want just one of them.  Click through the link and you’ll find them.)

Another fun, buzzy option is the Colorpop FingO vibe.  

This little guy is a perfect transition for folks who like to masturbate with fingers.  These vibes are easy to wear and incorporate nicely into solo or partner play.  They’re subtle, if you can say that about a jelly-sleeved neon vibrator- in that they’re just kind of a turbo-boost to whatever motions you were doing on your own.  They’re not very strong, which is what some folks are looking for.  $20, nice little toy!  They come with batteries too.

For boys looking for vibes, may I recommend the Man Eater:


This $29 little weirdo is a firm plastic vibrating alien.  Yep.  Basically you slide your cock inside his mouth like an ear of corn.  Some guys find vibration to be very pleasurable, and some don’t, but at $29 you don’t have much to lose.  I recommend lubing this guy up with some water-based lube and sliding him along the underside of your dick, focusing on frenulum and head.  This would be fun for solo or partner play- including in the shower, because it’s waterproof.  And if you find it numbing (I doubt you would) it would be a nice fun way to last longer with later play.  For added cute, you change his settings by pressing on his belly button.  Adorbs!

Also for gentlemen- The Tenga Egg.


I know these are a little weird looking, but trust me here.  Inside these plastic shells are little egg-shaped sleeves with fun textures inside.  You put some lube inside and slide them onto your cock.


The magical elastomer material inside stretches to accommodate your member, and the squishy slippery insides feel like nothing you’ve felt before.  Though marketed as single-use, these eggs can be gently washed and left inside-out to dry and used 2 or 3 times.  Turned inside out, you can also stretch one over the head of a Hitachi Magic Wand for a squishy, slightly dampening (in a good way) treat.  They’re $8.50.

(also available in a stylish Keith Harrington edition!)



And last but not least- some beginner butt toys!  Butts are fun for everyone.  May I introduce the Sidekick:


This is a nice silicone smallish toy that’s not too big and not too small.  The wide base keeps it from getting sucked up inside you (ALWAYS use a flared base!) and the wider bulb/ narrower neck means it’ll stay in your bum hands-free, so you can do other things while it’s in there.  Also, silicone is my personal favorite toy material, especially for butt toys, because it’s completely sterilizable.  You can even boil them!  Many silicone toys are pricier but this one comes in at $22-$24 depending on size.  

SO.  Be brave!  Go buy a toy.  Let me know how it goes!