Butts! Guys. Butts are so fun. Butts have so much stigma and it bums (ha!) me out. Here’s the deal: our butts are jam packed with lots of sensitive nerves. Our butts can be both physically and emotionally vulnerable places. To let someone look at, touch, taste, or penetrate your butt takes an IMMENSE amount of trust and can be very intimate. Some folks come with some residual butt shame from past experiences. Some guys think butt stuff makes them gay. Let’s get a few things straight first:
- Butts are for all people. Getting pleasure from getting touched somewhere sensitive does not have any implications about your sexuality.
- Butts are only dirty if they’re dirty. Yeah, sometimes there might be a little speck of brown somewhere when you’re playing with deep penetration, and if that would ruin your day or view of your partner, this might not be a great thing for you to get into. No judgment! But if you’re showered, have had a bowel movement recently, and are not ill, you’ll likely be clean and fine. (One tip I use for all sex play- keep a box of unscented baby wipes under your bed. They make all things easy and quick to clean up.)
- Only play with a butt that is PSYCHED to be played with. Likewise- only let someone play with your butt if you are PSYCHED. Butts can hurt if treated incorrectly. Butts have feelings, and will clench up if you’re nervous. So be gentle with yourself and your partner. Set aside some time, get cozy, and communicate A LOT. Also:
- LUBE. Lube always and forever. Lube on lube. Don’t use a numbing lube. Here’s why: pain is your body’s way of giving you a heads up if something’s going wrong. If you take away that warning sign, you can get hurt! If you’re feeling pain, slow down, back off, and relax. Get a nice slow body massage from your partner. Get in a position where you have more control or eye contact. If it turns out you don’t want butt stuff at all, say so! That’s totally ok. Not everything is for everyone. Do you.
- Flared bases, y’all. Butts are strong and a lubed sphincter will suck up toys like a black hole. Worry not- just use things with a really flared base, or a ring, or a sturdy big base. Don’t be the guy whose x-ray shows up on the internet. Be smart. Flare that base. I’ll show you some examples below.
- Germies. Butts carry their own bacteria. You shouldn’t use a butt toy on a vagina without sterilizing it first, nor should you share butt toys with partners. For that reason I tend to stick to silicone toys, which can be sterilized by boiling. Condoms are fine too!
SO if you’ve made it this far and still want to delve into butts, come along with me! Buttventures await.
This Don Juan is a great starter toy. Check him out:
It’s about the size of a pudgy finger, and goes into most people comfortably. See that big base? That’s what we’re talking about with the not getting sucked up inside. I tend to choose dark-colored toys for butt play, because if there are any specks on anything, you won’t see them. The curve of a toy like this will stimulate the prostate on a guy and maybe the g-spot on a girl, depending on the bod. With both, you’ll want the curve pointing forward- as in, toward the belly button. Good rule of thumb. I’ve found this one doesn’t stay in place enough for me to have sex with it in, but it is a nice intro-to-butts. Even experienced butts like a little warm-up, so smaller toys are nice to have on hand.
The Aneros Helix Syn is made for guy bodies especially.
It’s designed to be hands-free and to give you a nice feeling of fullness. As I am not a prostate owner, I have regrettably not tried this one myself but have heard VERY good reviews of it from friends. You’ll also get some sweet perineum stimulation from that black and red little thing at the bottom, which is nice. This toy is firmer than it looks, which means it will definitely not get sucked inside of you- but may also need a little smooth-talking and lube to get it inside of you.
Another nice hands-free toy is the Naughty Boy, which features a vibrating bullet.
This one is waterproof, which is nice. You can sit and rock with it in too! Some folks find a little vibration to be relaxing to their bums. This one is a little buzzy for my taste, but definitely still adds a little zing!
Speaking of zing- how could we forget anal beads? Like these Booty Beads:
Now I haven’t actually used these anal beads before (I know! To-do list.) but I’m putting these on here because I want you to know why they’re good and what to look for. Do you see how they’re one solid piece of silicone? This is super important. Shitty sex toy stores will sell you beads on an actual porous woven string. DO NOT USE THEM! That nonsense is begging for bacteria. You and your partners deserve better. These are meant to be clean and to keep your body healthy. That grippy ring looks like a nice thing to have when things get lubey too!
Speaking of which- lube! Please Gel Lube is a nice one for anal play.
It’s water-based, which means it is compatible with all lubes. (Silicone lubes and silicone toys shouldn’t mix. Oil-based lubes and latex condoms don’t mix. Water-based lube is universally friendly!) It’s also a thicker gel, which provides lots of nice cushioning for sensitive butts. With anal stuff, always err on the side of more lube.
And I saved my favorite for last: the exquisite, shiny, sensuous, sexy-as-fuck Pure Plugs.
*Cue Barry White.*
This plug. This whole company. Everything they make woos me. These plugs come in 4 sizes (they just made an extra-large one!) are made out of high quality stainless steel. That makes them waterproof, shiny, sterilizable, indestructible, heatable, coolable, and above all- heavy. These little honeys will stay in you with no problem, but also have this lovely weight that makes you feel deliciously full. They’re hard to describe but I believe them to be worth every penny. I have the large one, and I looooove it. So freaking good, you guys.
That’s it for butts 101! More butt education coming soon!
Those Plums 